You know that feeling you get when you walk into a new classroom or a party and you feel like just you don't belong here? Or that moment when you look at yourself in the mirror & can't identify yourself and you realize that you are changing for people around you & the change is so not you!?
I've lived that feeling for 15 years, staying outside India. For 15 years, I have had to follow my faith in secrecy, celebrate my festivals in sobriety and speak in a language that would just not sit well on my tongue and be a shadow in the crowd... A last among equals...
Today, I've been in India for the last 10 years and I have loved every single minute of it. It is hard to describe my feeling but it is that sense of relief and emotion that washes over you when you return home from the hostel after a year, like slipping into your flip flops after a full day on those killer heels or like slipping into that favorite pyjama with holes that your mom just wants to throw out...
When people tell me that all they wanna do is go abroad, I find it very disturbing....
Is our country so beyond redemption that the only way out is a Masters degree in the US?
Why would they be willing to give up being comfortable in their own skins?
Why would a 20 year old want to change their life, culture, belief systems & life style for a new country?
Why can't they make small sacrifices & smaller initiatives to live on the soil they were born in?
Honestly, I have no clue... I am no altruist, nor am I talking about patriotism or brain drain and other such bizzarely coined words our media loves to hype about... My motive for staying here is very very selfish. True, I will never make as much money as my US counterparts nor buy that swanky apartment in a posh area. But I am willing to pay that price for being amongst my equals...
I love being able to step outside on Diwali & watch the sky light up with a thousand colours, I love being able to haggle with street vendors to get what I want. I love being able to give gaali to the errant autowala blocking the traffic. I love the welcoming sounds of the auto horns & the hum drum of the traffic as soon as I step out of the airport. I love the colourful attire, the myriad number of languages & dialects spoken here.
A land as vast as our has more similarities than differences. I was in Jaipur recently, for the first time, I was there to attend a friend's wedding. The place is very different, the people look different, dress different, even their Hindi is different. But once, you get over the cosmetic or the physical appearance of it you can see more clearly. The people are the same as ones I would find in Trichy.
A city that is evolving to the new & has the old as well. People who share the same values & belief systems, people who welcome all, people who try to con you because you are new, poor people with their begging bowls at the signal, rich people flaunting their new cars at the same signal.
Auto Bhayas & chat walas, small eat outs & large fast food joint, street bazaars & city malls, the hep college girl & the conservative aunty looking at her disapprovingly. When I travel in India, it keeps reaffirming my faith that I am truly at home anywhere I go and here, I am truly amongst my equals.
I love being an integral part of this vast, cultured, complicated, exquisite, diverse, saddening, enraging & sometimes just bizarre tapestry. Because you may hate it or love it but it is home. The only true place where you can be comfortable in your skin. The only language that flows on your tongue, the only place where you can claim your right to whatever you want without the fear of looking like an outsider, the only place where you will not be the last among equals.
I've lived that feeling for 15 years, staying outside India. For 15 years, I have had to follow my faith in secrecy, celebrate my festivals in sobriety and speak in a language that would just not sit well on my tongue and be a shadow in the crowd... A last among equals...
Today, I've been in India for the last 10 years and I have loved every single minute of it. It is hard to describe my feeling but it is that sense of relief and emotion that washes over you when you return home from the hostel after a year, like slipping into your flip flops after a full day on those killer heels or like slipping into that favorite pyjama with holes that your mom just wants to throw out...
When people tell me that all they wanna do is go abroad, I find it very disturbing....
Is our country so beyond redemption that the only way out is a Masters degree in the US?
Why would they be willing to give up being comfortable in their own skins?
Why would a 20 year old want to change their life, culture, belief systems & life style for a new country?
Why can't they make small sacrifices & smaller initiatives to live on the soil they were born in?
Honestly, I have no clue... I am no altruist, nor am I talking about patriotism or brain drain and other such bizzarely coined words our media loves to hype about... My motive for staying here is very very selfish. True, I will never make as much money as my US counterparts nor buy that swanky apartment in a posh area. But I am willing to pay that price for being amongst my equals...
I love being able to step outside on Diwali & watch the sky light up with a thousand colours, I love being able to haggle with street vendors to get what I want. I love being able to give gaali to the errant autowala blocking the traffic. I love the welcoming sounds of the auto horns & the hum drum of the traffic as soon as I step out of the airport. I love the colourful attire, the myriad number of languages & dialects spoken here.
A city that is evolving to the new & has the old as well. People who share the same values & belief systems, people who welcome all, people who try to con you because you are new, poor people with their begging bowls at the signal, rich people flaunting their new cars at the same signal.Auto Bhayas & chat walas, small eat outs & large fast food joint, street bazaars & city malls, the hep college girl & the conservative aunty looking at her disapprovingly. When I travel in India, it keeps reaffirming my faith that I am truly at home anywhere I go and here, I am truly amongst my equals.
